This game brings many words to mind. Hard. Difficult.Tricky. Tough. Exacting. Arduous. Grueling. Salamander. In other words, Ninja Gaiden takes your ass and firmly kicks it. Of course, that’s the main reason it rocks so hard.

These days, kids don’t appreciate a tough game. They want strategy guides. They want walk-throughs. They want freshly baked muffins. In my day, games took months to beat! Y’all remember playing Super Mario Bros. for the first time and it taking a whole summer to beat? It was freaking hard right? Stupid walking mushrooms! Nowadays, you can beat a game in 45 minutes with two bathroom breaks. (I have bladder problems.) Not Ninja Gaiden. You better set aside your week and then some.

Now don’t get me wrong. This game is not a walk in the park, but it rarely pisses you off so much that you want to throw it at your TV. The learning curve builds just right and the Ninja Team rewards you at just the right moments. You always want to see what’s around the next corner and what each new door will reveal. It’s also the most fun I’ve had since I found out the senior citizen’s center has Twister™ parties. I’m sorry, but cutting a ninja’s head off while jumping off another enemy’s head is pure glee. You will never run out of new moves to try, especially when you find out that each new weapon you discover opens more moves then you probably even need. Even after you perfect all your moves, you got your ninja techniques to exploit. Ninja magic is spiffy!

This is where I was going to list my negatives, but damn if I can’t think of one thing. Sweet graphics, deep game play, and ninjas. Barrels and barrels of ninjas. Go buy this nonsense.

9.5 out o’ ten shurikens. (“Cause nothing’s perfect.)


NINJA GAIDEN: UNOFFICIAL MIXTAPE

System of a Down-“Psycho”
This hard rock song should provide the right mood during the boss battles.

DJ Shadow-“Organ Donor”
This B-boy anthem will fit nicely with the off the wall foot work you will be doing in the game.

Dizzee Rascal-“Fix up, look sharp”
This UK ditty has to be song of the moment. Why not include it with the game of the moment?

Beastie Boys-“Root Down”
How is Ryu going to kick it? I hope face first, but Root Down will be just fine.

Styles of Beyond-“Easy back it up”
This LA group’s music seems to be the perfect soundtrack for a deadly ninja named Ryu.